Tolerance, Pain, Paracetamol, and other Marvels of Modern Medicine

The Netherlands has earned a reputation as the drug capital of Europe, with its well-known tolerance of soft drugs. But if it’s really the Drug Capital, one might assume drugs could be procured from the Dutch health care system which, most bizarrely, is virtually impossible. When it comes to medicine, Dutch culture celebrates its pain tolerance.

My family in the U.S. will check in on me now and again, making sure I’m safe and sound: “Is there decent health care? Do they have doctors over there?” And I tell them seeing a doctor here is not a problem; the problem is getting the doctor to do -something about why I’ve come to see them in the first place.

Most countries have doctors who swear some version of the Hippocratic oath which states primum non nocere, or “first do no harm”. In Dutch, there seems to be a different oath: “Go home, get some rest and take two paracetamol.”

To this day, I have never managed to get a Dutch doctor to prescribe antibiotics. Although once we came close with our daughter when she was three years old. She had an ear infection. Our doctor told us, “I could prescribe antibiotics, but there is a worldwide crisis of antibiotic-resistant microbes, and we all must do our part to use less. So, why don’t you go home and let your daughter rest?”

We protested, “No one is getting any rest! We need some medicine.” We were recommended some over-the-counter cream and at that point we decided to try an alternative … a homeopathic doctor.

The homeopathic doctor started out with another commonly-heard Dutch doctor phrase: “What do you think is the problem?” Like it’s a medical quiz. “We think our daughter has an ear infection.” The doctor said, “You are right.” I half-expected to win a prize.

Then came the next question: “And what would you like me to do?” I’ve heard this question more than once from Dutch doctors. Then, the game-winning question: “And what do you think I should do?” Not the best way to inspire confidence, not in my mind anyway.

I offered my expert advice: “How about prescribing some medicine?”

The doctor quickly determined the root of the problem: an outer ear infection on her right side and an inner ear infection on the left side. We were given two prescriptions. Both had magically illegible scribbles, and we looked on in awe as the woman at the pharmacy actually seemed to understand what they meant. But we were taken aback when she gave us the medicine: chamomile oil and zuurdruppels (literally translated as sour vinegar drops), which are triamcinolone acetonide drops used to suppress inflammation. We thought this might be a mistake. But no, the woman explained that the oil was for the outer ear infection and the drops were for the inner ear. At home, we wrestled our poor child into position and administered the chamomile oil first and then in with the cotton ball. Next, we flipped her over and squeezed the sour vinegar drops into the other ear.

It was then that it occurred to my wife that we were literally mixing oil and vinegar in our daughter’s head. And while her condition didn’t improve much anytime soon, when she sneezed, salad dressing sprayed about the room!

In my book, How to Be Dutch: The QUIZ, I’ve included the following question:

Multiple choice: If you ask your doctor for a local anaesthetic during an operation, what response can you expect?
A. Don’t worry, the pain will be quick.
B. I won’t lie, this is going to hurt.
C. Pain is part of life.

Answer… ALL OF THE ABOVE!

“To this day, I have never managed to get a Dutch doctor to prescribe antibiotics.”

In other countries, you may encounter the phrase “This might hurt a bit,” and it might hurt—a bit. Dutch health care professionals are Dutch direct. They don’t sugar-coat it. You will hear, “This is going to hurt.” And oh, it hurts.

Finally, in the U.S., you can’t get through a supermarket check-out line without being offered three different kinds of ibuprofen. In the Netherlands, if you try to buy ibuprofen, you’re interrogated: “are you aware what you’re purchasing? Are you familiar with the workings of this drug? Have you considered the potential effects?” Yes. The effects of painkillers, after all, are to kill pain. But at the Dutch pharmacy, they look at you like you might be an addict…or a member of a drug cartel! 

About the author

GREG SHAPIRO is a Chicago-born, multi-faceted entertainer with a wide array of experiences spanning a 30-year career devoted to performance, corporate speaking and event hosting. Shapiro has acted in numerous films and is a much-in-demand voiceover artist, lending his distinctive voice to a multitude of projects. An accomplished author, Shapiro has penned three books including The American Netherlander: 25 Years of Expat Tales (2020) recounting his captivating exploration, personal journey and experiences abroad.

As originally published in the ACCESS Magazine.  

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